Ramblings.......
So, I have been struggling today. Why???? I don't know, I can't totally put my finger on all that I am feeling (I know, I know, that is such a girl thing to say, but it's true.) I feel like I have been hit from all sides with "things". I won't go into full details, but my body and brain feel as if they are melting, or maybe freezing, maybe they are exploding, well, maybe it's, I don't know, the bottom line is--I am not functioning properly. I am sad, tired, exhausted, irritable, weepy, lonely, and any other sad adjective you can think of.
Why????
Is it the adoption?? No, not really, I can handle that and all of it's ups and downs, I have for four years. Well, OK, maybe it is the adoption. Maybe I am tired of fighting the same battles over and over and over. But, really the kids make everything alright! They are worth it.
Is it Finances? No, not really, God always seems to provide all that I need (not all that I want, but He never promised that right???). These provisions seem to come right at the very minute it's needed. And NOT A MOMENT TO SOON! Even after learning time and time again that God is faithful and will provide, I still fret (alot) about how I am going to feed the kids and put gas in the car and pay the bills back home in the States. There never seems to be enough really, but somehow, things seem to work out. Not without a few sleepless nights and lots of acne and some stomach pains, but God is good.
So, we may continue to ask, is it Haiti??? What about Haiti, sheesh! We could go on for days with the things that make living in Haiti difficult. But hey, I've tolerated that for almost 3 years too, so it really couldn't be all of that---could it???
Is it the kids???? NO! They are awesome! They are amazing. Worth it all. Well, they have been teasing each other alot, which usually turns into someone hitting someone. They also want to eat 3 times a day plus snacks, which is sometimes tiring to make that many meals and they seem to dirty lots of clothes too! (wink wink). Just kidding. The kids are blessings. Maybe they are work, but they make me happy!
Is it missing my third Christmas in a row with family??? No, I have my kids. OK, well, I do miss my family alot. I feel awfully lonely here in Haiti. My kids are always with me and I praise God for that, but toddlers aren't' that great with holding adult conversations! I also have dreamed for years and years (even before the adoption) about sharing my family and holidays with my children. I dream so much of letting them experience the love and joy that is our family at Grandma's on Christmas Eve, and the food of Christmas Eve, and the games like spoons and euchre (I am not sure how to spell that, and only people from MI will have ANY idea what I am talking about! IF you are really interested, Google it, better yet, Goodsearch it and put Ancheri Care, Inc in "Who do you Goodsearch for" tab. Every search earns Ancheri Care 0.01. It really does add up, we just received a check for over $130 which will be used for equipment and therapy for the children of Haiti. Go to goodsearch.com, it's a fun way (and free to you) to earn money for charity).
Am I sick? Well, not really. I feel about the same as I always feel physically. A bit tired, a slight headache (until I have a diet coke!), sometimes a bit of low back pain, but for the most part, I feel Great!
Is it work?? I don't think so. I only have to be at the medical clinic one time this week and one time next week. School is out. It can't be that. Of course, I do need to prepare for next semester and I have 4 different piles of paperwork here for organizing for school and the therapies that I do for different missionaries, kids, and Embassy/UN employees. I also have some equipment issues to sort out for various kids and missionaries, but somehow I'll get that done. It'll all work out, I am used to paperwork.
So, I guess maybe there is nothing wrong. Nothing that I haven't handled 100 times before. But, maybe that is just it, maybe I am just handling more than I can handle. I seem to hit this wall every couple of months. Usually I let my blog, and my pictures, and my email, and my FACEBOOK go untouched during these low times. I try to keep positive and stay upbeat. But, I need to be honest (maybe more with myself than with you)--I am sad, scared, lonely, tired, sore, etc, etc, etc. Why???? Because of everything listed above, because of nothing listed above and because of more than listed above.
Sorry for the long sad post. I just needed to "therapitize" ( I know, not a word, but I am ranting!!!) myself tonight, so that I can be "Merry Mommy" for my precious angels tomorrow as they have looked forward to the next 2 days for a few weeks. I want only for their life to be perfect (which I know it won't, buy hey, I can hope, wish, pray and try right????). See I think the issue is, I really have no reason at all to be sad, but I have many reasons to be an emotional girl!!!!!!!! :)
Thanks for letting me vent! Maybe now my mixed up emotional brain can sleep tonight. I doubt I'll be able to "fix" my life and therefore live in a glorious hue of happiness, but, God is in control and I give my life and my children's lives to Him. Praise be to Him.
Merry Christmas
Cheri Kay
Why????
Is it the adoption?? No, not really, I can handle that and all of it's ups and downs, I have for four years. Well, OK, maybe it is the adoption. Maybe I am tired of fighting the same battles over and over and over. But, really the kids make everything alright! They are worth it.
Is it Finances? No, not really, God always seems to provide all that I need (not all that I want, but He never promised that right???). These provisions seem to come right at the very minute it's needed. And NOT A MOMENT TO SOON! Even after learning time and time again that God is faithful and will provide, I still fret (alot) about how I am going to feed the kids and put gas in the car and pay the bills back home in the States. There never seems to be enough really, but somehow, things seem to work out. Not without a few sleepless nights and lots of acne and some stomach pains, but God is good.
So, we may continue to ask, is it Haiti??? What about Haiti, sheesh! We could go on for days with the things that make living in Haiti difficult. But hey, I've tolerated that for almost 3 years too, so it really couldn't be all of that---could it???
Is it the kids???? NO! They are awesome! They are amazing. Worth it all. Well, they have been teasing each other alot, which usually turns into someone hitting someone. They also want to eat 3 times a day plus snacks, which is sometimes tiring to make that many meals and they seem to dirty lots of clothes too! (wink wink). Just kidding. The kids are blessings. Maybe they are work, but they make me happy!
Is it missing my third Christmas in a row with family??? No, I have my kids. OK, well, I do miss my family alot. I feel awfully lonely here in Haiti. My kids are always with me and I praise God for that, but toddlers aren't' that great with holding adult conversations! I also have dreamed for years and years (even before the adoption) about sharing my family and holidays with my children. I dream so much of letting them experience the love and joy that is our family at Grandma's on Christmas Eve, and the food of Christmas Eve, and the games like spoons and euchre (I am not sure how to spell that, and only people from MI will have ANY idea what I am talking about! IF you are really interested, Google it, better yet, Goodsearch it and put Ancheri Care, Inc in "Who do you Goodsearch for" tab. Every search earns Ancheri Care 0.01. It really does add up, we just received a check for over $130 which will be used for equipment and therapy for the children of Haiti. Go to goodsearch.com, it's a fun way (and free to you) to earn money for charity).
Am I sick? Well, not really. I feel about the same as I always feel physically. A bit tired, a slight headache (until I have a diet coke!), sometimes a bit of low back pain, but for the most part, I feel Great!
Is it work?? I don't think so. I only have to be at the medical clinic one time this week and one time next week. School is out. It can't be that. Of course, I do need to prepare for next semester and I have 4 different piles of paperwork here for organizing for school and the therapies that I do for different missionaries, kids, and Embassy/UN employees. I also have some equipment issues to sort out for various kids and missionaries, but somehow I'll get that done. It'll all work out, I am used to paperwork.
So, I guess maybe there is nothing wrong. Nothing that I haven't handled 100 times before. But, maybe that is just it, maybe I am just handling more than I can handle. I seem to hit this wall every couple of months. Usually I let my blog, and my pictures, and my email, and my FACEBOOK go untouched during these low times. I try to keep positive and stay upbeat. But, I need to be honest (maybe more with myself than with you)--I am sad, scared, lonely, tired, sore, etc, etc, etc. Why???? Because of everything listed above, because of nothing listed above and because of more than listed above.
Sorry for the long sad post. I just needed to "therapitize" ( I know, not a word, but I am ranting!!!) myself tonight, so that I can be "Merry Mommy" for my precious angels tomorrow as they have looked forward to the next 2 days for a few weeks. I want only for their life to be perfect (which I know it won't, buy hey, I can hope, wish, pray and try right????). See I think the issue is, I really have no reason at all to be sad, but I have many reasons to be an emotional girl!!!!!!!! :)
Thanks for letting me vent! Maybe now my mixed up emotional brain can sleep tonight. I doubt I'll be able to "fix" my life and therefore live in a glorious hue of happiness, but, God is in control and I give my life and my children's lives to Him. Praise be to Him.
Merry Christmas
Cheri Kay
Comments
Just wanted to drop you a note and say that we love you all and are praying for you! I can't imagine staying in Haiti for longer than 6 months without going to the States. I can't imagine how you do it. Hoping you'll be able to come down to Jacmel and escape for a few days. Heard that you had to cancel last week. You know that you are always welcomed here.
You are in my prayers. I feel your pain and all the other emotions you are going through. It is hard....hard beyond belief. I can't say it will get better....cause it might not, but I can say that you are loved, prayed for, and cared about.
Merry Christmas. <3