Overwhelmed with gratitude!
Yesterday was a hard one for me! Not the hard that has you sad and crying or feeling beat up or anything. But, the hard was keeping my brain focused! LOL! My brain is a hot mess people!!! I feel like I have so many loose ends to tie up before we leave for China in 9 days....yes, I said it, 9 days!!!!! And my brain does not stay on one topic or project or even thought long enough to complete ANYTHING!!! LOL
Insomnia is my close friend when I get like this! I will fall asleep as soon as I get into bed, into a deep beautiful sleep....for 2 hours. Then: BOOM! Wide awake! Wide awake with a brain that runs in circles! LOL!!!!
So, I blog! hahaha! It's about 4:30 in the morning and as I sit here at my computer, I hear the wind and the rain outside. It's cold! It's Michigan and it's the week of Halloween, of course it's going to be cold! But, I sit here and I listen to the sounds of outside and then I listen to the sounds of inside. Inside my home, I hear the soft hum of the furnace running, kicking out warm air. I hear the quiet of my 2 babies sleeping peacefully and safely in their beds. I am crazy overwhelmed with the blessings in my life. I am reminded by these sounds of the momma's all over the world who are not afforded this one luxury of a safe and warm home for their children. That's really what a momma wants. They want their babies to be safe and warm. I can't believe that I am blessed with that basic gift!
Along with that, I am blessed with an amazing supportive group of friends and family! Yesterday I received an email with the amount that I need to wire to China for our final fees. My heart sank. All I could see was what I didn't have. My bank account, not matching up to what they need from me ASAP in China to bring sweet Dahlia home. Today, as I sit and listen to the sounds that remind me how lucky I am as a momma, I am overwhelmed with the love of others. Yesterday, about half of what I am lacking was donated. I'm shocked. I'm in awe. I'm so crazy grateful! I just love how God uses the love and support of those around me to be the reminder of His provisions. When I start to question myself, He always shows up through the love of someone around me to say "Hey, I got this! Just leave it to me!". I am so humbled by the love and support that I received yesterday that started before the sun came up and continued well after the sun went down! I have faith that God will provide the last of what we still need!
I am frequently asked lately "how can I pray for you?" I love that question!!! Seriously, I do! I learned a huge lesson during my first adoption and my 3 years in Haiti! I learned that those times that I was covered in prayers by God's family, I could feel it! I had peace. God took care of it in ways that blew my mind! I also learned that I am not called to do this alone! This parenting thing, oh my goodness, I may be a single momma, but I don't do it alone!!!!! I also learned to ask! I am still learning that! I tend to be pretty independent and just take care of things. But, when it comes to taking care of my kids, I remember that I cannot do it alone and so I ask. I ask for them because they deserve it! So, in answer to that question, here are the things that weigh on me as we prepare for this trip.
1. Dahlia. Guys, this little girl is in China. 20 months old, Deaf and in an orphanage, living the only life she knows. That life is about to be TOTALLY and COMPLETELY disrupted. She doesn't know any different. It's normal to her. It's 'safe'. It's ok. In about 10 days, NOTHING IS GOING TO FEEL SAFE!!!!! My heart breaks for her! As much as I know that God wants her in this family, adored like crazy, and and as much as I already love her, Monday Nov. 9th when she is pulled out of the orphanage and dropped off in a hotel and left with this funny looking white lady and 2 kids that don't look anything like her, I promise, she is NOT going to feel safe. Will you pray for her? Please! Will you pray that God gives her the peace of knowing that this crazy bunch of strangers are at least ok! Will you pray that I am able to hold her and help her deal with this fear and grief and loss of only life she's known in a way that allows her to bond and attach to me and us as a family. Will you pray that she learns to accept our love.
2. Jaryse and Ecrissa. OH how amazing these two are! They have so far handled all of this like CHAMPS!!!! They are so ready to become big siblings! There are lots of anxieties right now though! Lots of questions! Not only are they going to get a new sister, they are about to take a trip 1/2 way around the world! Will you pray for them? Pray that they handle the trip well and the transition to our new life well. Will you pray that they never forget that I love them as much today and tomorrow and next week as I did yesterday and that my love for them grows by the day!?
3. Me. I have so much on my shoulders right now! So many things at work, at home, with the kids' school and extra activities and therapies and tutoring. So many things still with the adoption and China. So many things to prepare for travel. Also, that I will be able to be the momma that each of these kids need. They are 3 very different kids and will need very different things from me! Please pray that God continue to give me what I need to give to them! Will you pray for peace in my heart!? I worry....A LOT! I worry about being a good mom, about doing the right thing, about this and that, about money, about my job, about my house, about Ecrissa, about Jaryse, about Dahlia! Oh do I worry! I have to stop myself daily and remind myself that GOD HAS THIS and I get to enjoy it!
So, there are my 4:30 am ramblings! I hope you enjoyed! LOL!
Insomnia is my close friend when I get like this! I will fall asleep as soon as I get into bed, into a deep beautiful sleep....for 2 hours. Then: BOOM! Wide awake! Wide awake with a brain that runs in circles! LOL!!!!
So, I blog! hahaha! It's about 4:30 in the morning and as I sit here at my computer, I hear the wind and the rain outside. It's cold! It's Michigan and it's the week of Halloween, of course it's going to be cold! But, I sit here and I listen to the sounds of outside and then I listen to the sounds of inside. Inside my home, I hear the soft hum of the furnace running, kicking out warm air. I hear the quiet of my 2 babies sleeping peacefully and safely in their beds. I am crazy overwhelmed with the blessings in my life. I am reminded by these sounds of the momma's all over the world who are not afforded this one luxury of a safe and warm home for their children. That's really what a momma wants. They want their babies to be safe and warm. I can't believe that I am blessed with that basic gift!
Along with that, I am blessed with an amazing supportive group of friends and family! Yesterday I received an email with the amount that I need to wire to China for our final fees. My heart sank. All I could see was what I didn't have. My bank account, not matching up to what they need from me ASAP in China to bring sweet Dahlia home. Today, as I sit and listen to the sounds that remind me how lucky I am as a momma, I am overwhelmed with the love of others. Yesterday, about half of what I am lacking was donated. I'm shocked. I'm in awe. I'm so crazy grateful! I just love how God uses the love and support of those around me to be the reminder of His provisions. When I start to question myself, He always shows up through the love of someone around me to say "Hey, I got this! Just leave it to me!". I am so humbled by the love and support that I received yesterday that started before the sun came up and continued well after the sun went down! I have faith that God will provide the last of what we still need!
I am frequently asked lately "how can I pray for you?" I love that question!!! Seriously, I do! I learned a huge lesson during my first adoption and my 3 years in Haiti! I learned that those times that I was covered in prayers by God's family, I could feel it! I had peace. God took care of it in ways that blew my mind! I also learned that I am not called to do this alone! This parenting thing, oh my goodness, I may be a single momma, but I don't do it alone!!!!! I also learned to ask! I am still learning that! I tend to be pretty independent and just take care of things. But, when it comes to taking care of my kids, I remember that I cannot do it alone and so I ask. I ask for them because they deserve it! So, in answer to that question, here are the things that weigh on me as we prepare for this trip.
1. Dahlia. Guys, this little girl is in China. 20 months old, Deaf and in an orphanage, living the only life she knows. That life is about to be TOTALLY and COMPLETELY disrupted. She doesn't know any different. It's normal to her. It's 'safe'. It's ok. In about 10 days, NOTHING IS GOING TO FEEL SAFE!!!!! My heart breaks for her! As much as I know that God wants her in this family, adored like crazy, and and as much as I already love her, Monday Nov. 9th when she is pulled out of the orphanage and dropped off in a hotel and left with this funny looking white lady and 2 kids that don't look anything like her, I promise, she is NOT going to feel safe. Will you pray for her? Please! Will you pray that God gives her the peace of knowing that this crazy bunch of strangers are at least ok! Will you pray that I am able to hold her and help her deal with this fear and grief and loss of only life she's known in a way that allows her to bond and attach to me and us as a family. Will you pray that she learns to accept our love.
2. Jaryse and Ecrissa. OH how amazing these two are! They have so far handled all of this like CHAMPS!!!! They are so ready to become big siblings! There are lots of anxieties right now though! Lots of questions! Not only are they going to get a new sister, they are about to take a trip 1/2 way around the world! Will you pray for them? Pray that they handle the trip well and the transition to our new life well. Will you pray that they never forget that I love them as much today and tomorrow and next week as I did yesterday and that my love for them grows by the day!?
3. Me. I have so much on my shoulders right now! So many things at work, at home, with the kids' school and extra activities and therapies and tutoring. So many things still with the adoption and China. So many things to prepare for travel. Also, that I will be able to be the momma that each of these kids need. They are 3 very different kids and will need very different things from me! Please pray that God continue to give me what I need to give to them! Will you pray for peace in my heart!? I worry....A LOT! I worry about being a good mom, about doing the right thing, about this and that, about money, about my job, about my house, about Ecrissa, about Jaryse, about Dahlia! Oh do I worry! I have to stop myself daily and remind myself that GOD HAS THIS and I get to enjoy it!
So, there are my 4:30 am ramblings! I hope you enjoyed! LOL!
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