My new goal.

Set forth from this day forward I will strive to .......................... NOT BE PERFECT.

Yep, that's it. That's my new goal. I am going to strive to not be perfect. To stop living each day as if I can somehow be it all in all and doing all and knowing all and doing all and all the all's that I just can't do! I am tired of trying to be so perfect in my life, that I live in frustration that somehow I'm letting my perfectly wonderful children down. I want to leave my house a mess for a day so that I can sit on my son's bed and read stories with him and his sister----WITHOUT feeling guilty for it. I want to forget that there is laundry to do so that I can take the kids for a bike ride and NOT FEEL bad about leaving the laundry. I can't do both! So, when it comes to choosing, I'm choosing my kids AND no guilt. Usually I choose the kids PLUS guilt. I am going to stop multi-tasking (to the best of my ability) so that I can enjoy making dinner and giving my kids a bath. I love my life and I am going to stop trying to be the perfect mother and just be the perfect imperfect mother that I am. And, I am going to love every imperfect minute of it!!!!

Today, I am setting the goal of accepting me. The perfectly imperfect me.

Another First!!!

Yes, my little community workers went Trick-or-Treating!!!! In Haiti, we didn't celebrate Halloween or really even mention it. Since there is so much Voodou in that country, Halloween is not a holiday that I paid any attention too. Here in the States though, Halloween didn't feel evil to me. Not like I would feel during "all saints and all soul's day" in Haiti. So, the kids and I had a blast tonight! We went to my friends house and had dinner and then we did some trick or treating around their neighborhood.

This was not only a first for the kids, but a first for me! I had never TAKEN kids trick or treating! I remember being a kid trick or treating, but I've never been on the "mommy" side of it! It was so fun! The smiles on their faces were AWESOME! I did notice a couple of things though.


1. When I went trick or treating in Michigan, we were FREEEEEEEZing and it seemed like it ALWAYS rained! Tonight here in LA was a perfect temperature for a long sleeve shirt/sweatshirt and it was a full moon with a beautiful sky and no rain!

2. Since living in Haiti, I haven't done a lot of walking around in the dark. I still find myself home before dark and not really leaving after dark. So weird! I know it's much safer here than it was in Haiti, but, it has become a habit. It was kinda nice walking around the neighborhood and not feeling an overwhelming sense of fear. We really enjoyed ourselves.



The kids had a blast yesterday at school with their Halloween parade and trick or treating in the classroom as well. Both were very happy and excited when I picked them up from school.

And this little Princess Surgeon won "Most Creative Costume" for the First Grade! Go Ecrissa!

Ecrissa also lost her other top tooth today! That is always a bit traumatic for her, but she thinks it's pretty cool when it finally comes out!

They each ended this day with a HUGE plastic pumpkin chucked full to the top with candy and treats! What an awesome life God has blessed me with!

Carving pumpkins!

This morning, Jaryse and Ecrissa carved pumpkins for the first time. Ecrissa wasn't sure she liked touching that slimy inside stuff, but Jaryse had a blast!

The pumpkin is wearing one of Mr. Potato Head's hats!!!! Good thing Mr. Potato Head doesn't mind sharing!

We've had a restful couple of days. We skipped out on extra stuff this weekend and mostly just stayed home. We ran one errand that took less than an hour and took a short trip to the park. Other than that, we stayed at home. We've played dress up, painted, watched movies, colored, read books, carved pumpkins, and basically just laid around and did not a whole lot! It's been nice! I think we'll all be rested to tackle the week ahead of us!

Grateful

This past week has been a week of reflection for me. After finally making it home from Haiti with my two amazing children, getting the kids enrolled in school, finding work, dealing with and finally coming to the end of the bulk of the doctors visits, and trying to make a schedule for the three of us that is looking at least similar from one week to the next.....sorta.....I have finally had a chance to think and reflect.

What have I discovered? I'm not sure!!! I am still discovering feelings that I have had and haven't had the brain capacity to realize that I've had through all of this!

It was 9 months ago today that we finally got the last signature that we needed and had been waiting for over 17 months to receive! At that point, without even processing my previous feelings of despair and depression, I was onto the highest level of elation possible to mankind!!!

Then, we made it home and have had so much on our plate that I haven't even thought of me and my adjustment. I know I've not adjusted well. I've been very stressed and anxious. Scared. Scared mostly of failing my kids. Scared of not being perfect. Scared of not being able to help people here the way I was able to help and serve others in Haiti. I've been reflecting on all of that this week. Usually my brain gets so overwhelmed that I find something else to do or think about because I just can't process all of it. But, what I realize, even though I still have a long way to go in terms of processing all of what has happened over the past 5 years from the very first trip to Haiti, beginning and end of the adoption, and up until now is that I am so very grateful!

I am grateful for my health. I'm so blessed by a working and functioning body and mind. I'm grateful for my opportunities that I've had my whole life. I was born and raised by my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I had siblings and cousins all around me. I never went hungry. I never went without a bed. I was clean and well cared for. I was (and still am) loved. I am grateful for my education. Many in the world don't even get one day of school let alone all the way through to a doctorate. I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for my church family. I am grateful for my children. When I look at them I see so clearly that they were not just born to be mine, but the reason that I was ever born was to be their mommy. I know God chose them for me and me for them before I was even born and that just blows me away! Lastly, as hard as it is, I am grateful for all that I have gone through. I am grateful for the hardships. They have taught me so much about God's love for me. Had I known 5 years ago all that I would have gone through I never would have considered taking that first trip to Haiti. Can you imagine?????? I can't. This is when I realize that God will tell us all that we can handle and He'll slowly reveal to us what we can handle. I am SO GRATEFUL for that! I can't imagine my life without the two amazing people that truly complete me. This is what I am holding to now. I keep reminding myself that God has it all worked out, and He'll show me daily what I need to know...no more and no less. If he can get us through Haiti and the last 5 years, today is no problem for Him!!!

I don't know how long it'll take for me to be able to process all that has happened the past 5 years, but I do know that I am simply grateful.

7 Months home!!!!

We are in the middle of a week full of amazing milestones for the Sessions family!

Today is 7 months being home from Haiti,

Wednesday is 6 months after moving to Los Angeles,

5 years ago yesterday I met my beautiful little girl,

5 years ago on Saturday I had met my little man!

I am so blessed and I cherish each day that I have with my amazing children and I give all glory to the Lord above for his promises!!!!

School, MRI's, and just life!

We have had a week!!! It's been full of laughing, crying, cleaning, learning, growing, changing, loving and even a little bit of sleeping!!!!! Monday was a hard day. I woke up feeling crappy and I think that my mood rubbed off on my son because he had a pretty hard day at Kindergarten! When I asked him what happened and why he said to me "Momma, I just hit my limit with school today!" Poor thing!!!!! I couldn't help but laugh inside at how stinkin' cute this kid is!!!!!!

Ecrissa has been moved out of the Kindergarten/Pre-Kindergarten class and into the 1st grade classroom! I have had mixed feelings about it, but in the end I think the new challenge is going to be great for her, plus this class only has 5 students in it, so the extra individual attention will be great!!! We have her IEP Meeting for school next week, so I am sure we'll make some nice forward progress with school and the services that she recieves at school next week! I'm excited for that! These are the sorts of things that I was so anxious to have for her while we were in Haiti and I am so excited for her to get the support services that she needs so that she can continue to learn and reach her potential!

Which.....maybe becoming a doctor or nurse!!!!! She had her sedated MRI yesterday and while we were waiting for the room and the doctor to be available, she pretended to give me and the other nurse shots! She was so funny! She put on a glove, used the little alcohol square to clean the arm, gave the shot with her finger (we of course pretended that it hurt and she laughed at us) and then she proceeded to put a piece of tape/band-aid on where she gave the "shot"! It was awesome to see her go through each step so carefully and so correctly! I think we have it folks! I've got a hidden genius here!!!!!

Momma has been doing pretty good! I still feel like my days are battles on many fronts, but that is probably the life of a mom I am guessing! I think sometimes I've been so beaten up I can't go on, but then when I look into the faces of my two precious angels, I am re-charged and ready to go! I am looking forward to next week as I should receive the results of the MRI, finish Ecrissa's IEP and complete the preliminary process for the cochlear implant! IF all is well with the MRI, we proceed to picking out the device that we want and begin the scheduling process!!! Please pray that the insurance company will approve the request and we can proceed with scheduling her surgery!!!!!

I think........

.....I am the world's worst blogger! I have two very amazing superstars that keep me one busy Momma!!!! Things have been pretty good! This week, the kids finished their third week of school. Both kids are doing really really well. They are learning a lot and I can see it every day! Each day they both come home telling me things they've learned or signs that they've learned or something! It's amazing to me! I don't remember making this much progress each and every day!!!! Both kids are very good about doing their homework each night and have been really good about the nighttime routine and getting ready in the morning! I am so blessed with 2 amazing children!

Wednesday was Jaryse's 5th birthday! First, I can't believe that he's 5 years old! Second, I can't believe we are finally celebrating his birthday in the states!!! WOW!!! So, we had a small celebration in his class with cupcakes, a crown and the singing of "Happy Birthday". Then we went and got the bike that Grandma and Grandpa Packer sent for him for his birthday. Then, we had friends over for presents and cake and ice cream. He was so SPOILED by my friends and family! What a great gift for this very special 5 year old!!!!!

The above picture is most of Jaryse's Kindergarten class at Marlton.

Jaryse and Ecrissa before school the morning of Jaryse's birthday!!!

Quick update on the medical issues! We have been working on doing the immunization catch-ups and making sure that the kids are as healthy as can be. The doctor wanted a whole panel of tests to make sure that there aren't any underlying issues that haven't been caught secondary to the kids not having the typical "well baby" check-ups. So far, OK. Jaryse has been referred to Urology to check on his hernia surgical sites and possible issue with the right testicle, Please pray for that! Ecrissa has been referred to Opthamology for her right eye as if often drifts off to the right. Hopefully that can be addressed simply. Ecrissa also undergo a sedated MRI as one of the final tests for the Cochlear Implant Evaluation. Hopefully a final decision as to whether or not she'll get the implant will be made by the end of October. So basically, within the next month between the two kids, I have at least 6 doctor visits scheduled as it stands now! I average 1-2 days a week in the doctors office with one or both kids!!!! It's worth it!!!!!

How is momma doing???? Well, the truly positive answer is.....depends on the minute! I am struggling with a few things. As you can see from this post, it is NOT the kids! They are amazing! Their behavior has been great, they are learning, they are growing, they are loving, they are just amazing! They bring only JOY to my life. I am just struggling with normal adult things. Trying to balance everything that is expected of me as a person, as a mother, as a therapist and as a child of God. I sometimes feel overwhelmed, much because of the pressure that I put on myself to be perfect. I am thankful for my friends and family, my children and grateful for each day that we make it through, and each morning that I wake up with a new chance to do it all over again! I do need to ask, if you feel led, to please pray for me as I deal with very limited finances, a schedule that gets overly full with doctors visits, work, running the kids to therapies, school and such, and just taking care of normal daily things like laundry, food, and cleaning the house. I find myself often anxious about our limited funds and an over full schedule. I know I need to trust that the Lord will take care of it, and I do, but for some reason my human brain keeps worrying anyway!!!! Nothing is bad, nothing is terrible, just sometimes everything, gets to be a bit much! Thank you in advance for your prayers!