Grateful


This past week has been a week of reflection for me. After finally making it home from Haiti with my two amazing children, getting the kids enrolled in school, finding work, dealing with and finally coming to the end of the bulk of the doctors visits, and trying to make a schedule for the three of us that is looking at least similar from one week to the next.....sorta.....I have finally had a chance to think and reflect.
What have I discovered? I'm not sure!!! I am still discovering feelings that I have had and haven't had the brain capacity to realize that I've had through all of this!
It was 9 months ago today that we finally got the last signature that we needed and had been waiting for over 17 months to receive! At that point, without even processing my previous feelings of despair and depression, I was onto the highest level of elation possible to mankind!!!
Then, we made it home and have had so much on our plate that I haven't even thought of me and my adjustment. I know I've not adjusted well. I've been very stressed and anxious. Scared. Scared mostly of failing my kids. Scared of not being perfect. Scared of not being able to help people here the way I was able to help and serve others in Haiti. I've been reflecting on all of that this week. Usually my brain gets so overwhelmed that I find something else to do or think about because I just can't process all of it. But, what I realize, even though I still have a long way to go in terms of processing all of what has happened over the past 5 years from the very first trip to Haiti, beginning and end of the adoption, and up until now is that I am so very grateful!
I am grateful for my health. I'm so blessed by a working and functioning body and mind. I'm grateful for my opportunities that I've had my whole life. I was born and raised by my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I had siblings and cousins all around me. I never went hungry. I never went without a bed. I was clean and well cared for. I was (and still am) loved. I am grateful for my education. Many in the world don't even get one day of school let alone all the way through to a doctorate. I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for my church family. I am grateful for my children. When I look at them I see so clearly that they were not just born to be mine, but the reason that I was ever born was to be their mommy. I know God chose them for me and me for them before I was even born and that just blows me away! Lastly, as hard as it is, I am grateful for all that I have gone through. I am grateful for the hardships. They have taught me so much about God's love for me. Had I known 5 years ago all that I would have gone through I never would have considered taking that first trip to Haiti. Can you imagine?????? I can't. This is when I realize that God will tell us all that we can handle and He'll slowly reveal to us what we can handle. I am SO GRATEFUL for that! I can't imagine my life without the two amazing people that truly complete me. This is what I am holding to now. I keep reminding myself that God has it all worked out, and He'll show me daily what I need to know...no more and no less. If he can get us through Haiti and the last 5 years, today is no problem for Him!!!
I don't know how long it'll take for me to be able to process all that has happened the past 5 years, but I do know that I am simply grateful.

Comments

Manda said…
I have a lot to learn from you dear friend! I'm so glad you're in my life!
October 26, 2009 at 10:26 PM
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