Loneliness
So, this post isn't a warm fuzzy........just a warning! But, it's very important!
Before moving to Haiti and after finding out that Ecrissa is deaf, I decided to learn all I could about deafness, deaf culture, sign language etc. before getting her. As she's grown, I've continued to try my best to understand who she is, her culture, her language and what it means to be deaf. I have and I continue to go to conferences, activities and events to expose our family to and to try to enter into the deaf culture and community. A major theme that I noticed early on when listening to deaf adults is how lonely they feel, even in a room full of people. This was heart breaking to me. I made a decision, which I have stuck to, that I will be able to communicate with my daughter with ASL. Do you know that statistics have shown for decades, over and over again, that only 1 in every 10 hearing parents who have a deaf child knows how to sign? YES....that is correct, only 1 parent in every 10 can truly communicate with their deaf child. I decided long ago that I would be that 1.
What I have learned over the past 2 months as Ecrissa has struggled with a few things and has spent time communicating with me and telling me more and more of her feelings (yes, because we both use ASL, we get to have these conversations! YAY!), she has expressed that she feels lonely and alone. MY.HEART.BREAKS. And, continues to break every day!!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I am jumping through the roof with excitement that she is able to express her feelings and that she is willing to tell me about them. But, I knew this was a big issue among deaf people. I tried everything to try to prevent it. I sign. My son signs. Our church has interpreters and deaf people, she is in a school where she has signing teachers, interpreters and deaf peers. We go to deaf events at least 1x/month and usually more like 1x/week. We go to deaf camps every summer. I have found videos, movies, stories, and such for her to watch. I am so sad that I didn't prevent this loneliness, I tried so hard to not have this happen!!!! UGH! I.Don't.Want.Her.To.Be.LONELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because Ecrissa is strong enough and brave enough to acknowledge her feelings, I must also be strong enough to face mine! My daughter is teaching me a lot lately. I, personally, have never accepted being lonely. I fight it, I won't admit that I feel that way. I pretend that I'm not. The truth is, I am often lonely. My daughter is teaching me that and she's teaching me that it's ok to feel that way! Being a momma to a special needs kid is a lonely place to be. People don't get it. They don't get why my kid is in bed at 7:30/8:00 every night, even weekends and summer. They don't get why I don't go to activities with lots of people, they don't get why I can't commit to activities until the last minute. They don't get why I don't date, or go out with the girls or attend fun work functions. I can't help that. I have to so what is right for my kid. Learning to help my daughter cope with her feelings has really been helpful in dealing with my own! I swear, I get more from parenting these amazing children than they get from me! :)
Because of Ecrissa's pretty severe issues recently and the major strain that it's put on our family recently, I have had many people make some comments about my decision to adopt again. Things such as "are you having second thoughts?", "why are you bringing home this child?", "Are her behaviors related?", "are you sure you want to do this?", "How are you going to parent another baby?", "why would you do this?", "won't this be harder on Ecrissa", "How will Ecrissa be with the baby" and so on.
Now, do I think these people have a point! YES!!!!! OF COURSE they have a point!!!! Sometimes I think I'm crazy for doing this! But, let me share with you how amazing God is! So, you remember that letter that came 3 weeks EARLY! Yes! Well, that letter came 2 days AFTER Ecrissa's behavior issue that sent us reeling 2 weeks ago. Do you think that God orchestrated that? I do! Do you think God would have opened EVERY SINGLE DOOR for this adoption to be happening at such a quick pace if HE felt like I should not be parenting this baby girl? NO WAY!!!! God is showing me EVERY DAY that HE cannot wait to get this little girl into this family and HE has a plan that will blow my mind!!!!! I believe that God knows that what is best is for this little girl to come home sooner rather than later. I'm ready! Ok, so I'm nervous about how quick it's going and a little overwhelmed, but I'M READY!
So, to bring it all together, when we were at deaf camp about a month ago, I got the opportunity to listen to a panel of young adults who are deaf. There was a lot that they said that was hard to hear. It's hard to hear the struggles that they deal with on a daily basis because they can't hear. But, the one thing that I heard from all 4 of them, that I SO NEEDED to hear was that each one of those 4 amazing young people also had a sibling who was deaf. Do you know what they said about that? They said, "my sibling saved me". Yes, having a sibling who was also deaf decreases the times of feeling lonely. Around the table, in the mall, at family gatherings, in the car, etc, etc, etc. Having a sibling who is deaf makes a difference in the quality of life of a child who is deaf. This was music to my ears and heart. My two girls will have each other. I can't wait to make that a reality for them both.
Will there still be struggles? Of course!
Will we get through them? YOU BET YA!!!!! Together, as a family!
So, there you have it, a very small glimpse into a very real struggle that will not go away. My girls will not hear and communicate the way the rest of the world does, and the rest of the world will not learn to communicate in the language that they do. But, together as a family, we will come together and be all the better for it! Thanks for your love and support for all of us.
http://www.gofundme.com/fromhaititochina
Before moving to Haiti and after finding out that Ecrissa is deaf, I decided to learn all I could about deafness, deaf culture, sign language etc. before getting her. As she's grown, I've continued to try my best to understand who she is, her culture, her language and what it means to be deaf. I have and I continue to go to conferences, activities and events to expose our family to and to try to enter into the deaf culture and community. A major theme that I noticed early on when listening to deaf adults is how lonely they feel, even in a room full of people. This was heart breaking to me. I made a decision, which I have stuck to, that I will be able to communicate with my daughter with ASL. Do you know that statistics have shown for decades, over and over again, that only 1 in every 10 hearing parents who have a deaf child knows how to sign? YES....that is correct, only 1 parent in every 10 can truly communicate with their deaf child. I decided long ago that I would be that 1.
What I have learned over the past 2 months as Ecrissa has struggled with a few things and has spent time communicating with me and telling me more and more of her feelings (yes, because we both use ASL, we get to have these conversations! YAY!), she has expressed that she feels lonely and alone. MY.HEART.BREAKS. And, continues to break every day!!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I am jumping through the roof with excitement that she is able to express her feelings and that she is willing to tell me about them. But, I knew this was a big issue among deaf people. I tried everything to try to prevent it. I sign. My son signs. Our church has interpreters and deaf people, she is in a school where she has signing teachers, interpreters and deaf peers. We go to deaf events at least 1x/month and usually more like 1x/week. We go to deaf camps every summer. I have found videos, movies, stories, and such for her to watch. I am so sad that I didn't prevent this loneliness, I tried so hard to not have this happen!!!! UGH! I.Don't.Want.Her.To.Be.LONELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because Ecrissa is strong enough and brave enough to acknowledge her feelings, I must also be strong enough to face mine! My daughter is teaching me a lot lately. I, personally, have never accepted being lonely. I fight it, I won't admit that I feel that way. I pretend that I'm not. The truth is, I am often lonely. My daughter is teaching me that and she's teaching me that it's ok to feel that way! Being a momma to a special needs kid is a lonely place to be. People don't get it. They don't get why my kid is in bed at 7:30/8:00 every night, even weekends and summer. They don't get why I don't go to activities with lots of people, they don't get why I can't commit to activities until the last minute. They don't get why I don't date, or go out with the girls or attend fun work functions. I can't help that. I have to so what is right for my kid. Learning to help my daughter cope with her feelings has really been helpful in dealing with my own! I swear, I get more from parenting these amazing children than they get from me! :)
Because of Ecrissa's pretty severe issues recently and the major strain that it's put on our family recently, I have had many people make some comments about my decision to adopt again. Things such as "are you having second thoughts?", "why are you bringing home this child?", "Are her behaviors related?", "are you sure you want to do this?", "How are you going to parent another baby?", "why would you do this?", "won't this be harder on Ecrissa", "How will Ecrissa be with the baby" and so on.
Now, do I think these people have a point! YES!!!!! OF COURSE they have a point!!!! Sometimes I think I'm crazy for doing this! But, let me share with you how amazing God is! So, you remember that letter that came 3 weeks EARLY! Yes! Well, that letter came 2 days AFTER Ecrissa's behavior issue that sent us reeling 2 weeks ago. Do you think that God orchestrated that? I do! Do you think God would have opened EVERY SINGLE DOOR for this adoption to be happening at such a quick pace if HE felt like I should not be parenting this baby girl? NO WAY!!!! God is showing me EVERY DAY that HE cannot wait to get this little girl into this family and HE has a plan that will blow my mind!!!!! I believe that God knows that what is best is for this little girl to come home sooner rather than later. I'm ready! Ok, so I'm nervous about how quick it's going and a little overwhelmed, but I'M READY!
So, to bring it all together, when we were at deaf camp about a month ago, I got the opportunity to listen to a panel of young adults who are deaf. There was a lot that they said that was hard to hear. It's hard to hear the struggles that they deal with on a daily basis because they can't hear. But, the one thing that I heard from all 4 of them, that I SO NEEDED to hear was that each one of those 4 amazing young people also had a sibling who was deaf. Do you know what they said about that? They said, "my sibling saved me". Yes, having a sibling who was also deaf decreases the times of feeling lonely. Around the table, in the mall, at family gatherings, in the car, etc, etc, etc. Having a sibling who is deaf makes a difference in the quality of life of a child who is deaf. This was music to my ears and heart. My two girls will have each other. I can't wait to make that a reality for them both.
Will there still be struggles? Of course!
Will we get through them? YOU BET YA!!!!! Together, as a family!
So, there you have it, a very small glimpse into a very real struggle that will not go away. My girls will not hear and communicate the way the rest of the world does, and the rest of the world will not learn to communicate in the language that they do. But, together as a family, we will come together and be all the better for it! Thanks for your love and support for all of us.
http://www.gofundme.com/fromhaititochina
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