"There is no panic in Heaven! God has no problems, only plans.” -Corrie Ten Boom

Well, these 2 weeks have flown by!  I am wrapping up a 2 week spring break.  The first week was off with the kids during their spring break and the second week the kids were back to school and I had some time to catch up and relax by myself.  I have really enjoyed it and was able to not only relax, but also catch up on a few small projects around the house!  

This 2 week break comes to an end and not without some news that has put a bit of a damper on the wonderful break that we had. I love adoption.  I get goosebumps every time I tell our story and every time I hear another family's adoption story.  My personal experience with adoption taught me and revealed to me God's true love for me.  I had no idea prior to becoming a mother the depth of God's love for me.  Adoption has taught me so much.  Adoption is complicated. PERIOD. From start to finish, and throughout the lifetime of the families affected (birth and adopted sides).  Adoption is MESSY.  

This current adoption process that we are in is by FAR smoother than the first adoption process that I experienced.  It is however, still very complicated.  I have a very surface understanding of all of the paperwork that is being done here in the States.  All of the offices that everything has to go through, the approvals that have to be waited on, etc. etc.  I am still trying to understand the process on the Chinese side of it.  It is complicated. 

The news that I received at the end of this week has me a little discouraged.  It seems that due to some paperwork issues (on both sides of the ocean!), the child that I had been introduced to via pictures and had a sort of preliminary 'match' with, may not be available to me.  I am so sad.  Now, it is not final that I cannot be officially matched with this child, but things are not looking too good.  I wish I could explain all of the 'ins and outs' and why's and how the process works to make it clear, but it's so complicated.  I have enough of an understanding to understand that we need a miracle to be matched with this child.  It's not that I am not able to be matched with another child,because that can happen.  It's just that this particular child may not be available to me. :(  I am preparing myself for the loss of this child and it will break my heart, but knowing that God will bring us to the child that is meant to be in our family and for that, I will rejoice.  I want to parent the child that GOD created me to parent!  My heart may be confused, but He is not and so in that I trust!

Now, I know that this bump in the road is also part of God's plan.  I trust Him.  My heart is hurting and I have some fear that I am going to lose the child that I thought was mine.  But, I am praying for a miracle.  I know that God will use all of this and eventually we will bring home the child that is meant to be in our family, even if it's not this one. I  My heart wants this little one so badly, but I also know that all of these children (the 2 in my house included) are God's and He just allows me to love and care and provide for them here on Earth.  He loves them even more than me and He has plans to prosper them and not to harm. I am CLINGING to that promise these days!  Interestingly, it's the same verse and promise that I clung to for dear life during our time in Haiti.

There is no panic in Heaven! God has no problems, only plans. Corrie Ten Boom

This quote from Corrie Ten Boom came across Facebook on a perfect day.  As I began to panic and grieve the loss of a child that I have begun to love, I realized that God is not panicking.  He has a plan for me, for my family, for that child, and for all of us.  Whew!  If God is not in a panic, then neither will I panic.  I am putting our family in His hands and trusting that He will bring us the child that is meant to be in our family. 

For now, though, I am still praying for a miracle.  I am still praying that this child will join our family!  Will you join me this week in praying that God will work this all out.  Pray that there will be a miracle and that we can be formally matched with the little one that already has a place in my heart.  

Thanks so much friends and family!